Happy Families

How to Keep Kids Safe: Body Safety Conversation Every Parent Must Have

In the past two days, terrifying revelations have appeared in our news feeds:

A Melbourne childcare worker (26-year-old Joshua Brown) has been charged with 70 counts related to the alleged sexual abuse of young children in his care.

Because these are allegations, we must be careful about what we say on this platform. But make no mistake, these are the most serious allegations, including sexual penetration and producing child abuse material for use through a carriage service. (Additionally, this man – if we can call him that – has tested positive for a sexually transmitted disease, so over 1200 preschoolers now need to be tested as well.)

This comes hot on the heels of last year’s horrendous news story about another guy in a Brisbane childcare centre, Ashley Griffith, pleading guilty to over 300 charges related to child sexual abuse.

For parents, this news fundamentally erodes trust in childcare. For men working in childcare, it intensifies the pressure to be beyond reproach.

To parents, I want to convey one central message: This is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You couldn’t have known. Unless your child directly informed you of abuse and you ignored it, this burden is not yours.

If your child has been affected by trauma, your role is to provide the support, love, and guidance they need to flourish. Abuse survivors consistently demonstrate incredible resilience, and with your loving support, your child too can overcome this experience.

The majority of people reading this are unaffected by the circumstances described above – today. But EVERY parent needs to know how to talk with their children about body safety. Because we live in an imperfect world where people lie, deceive, and exist with horrible motivations, these conversations are not luxury items – they’re must-haves.

So what do you say to your kids? How do you keep them safe?

I’m going to share five central ideas, and then I’m pointing you to the best resources I know that can help. (If you know of anyone or anything I’ve missed, let me know in the comments and I’ll add them to this post.)

Always use proper terms for anatomy. If your child ever needs to disclose something, the words ‘penis’, ‘vulva’, ‘anus’, or ‘breast’ should always be considered safe and appropriate.
Always remind them that areas of their body covered by swimwear – as well as their mouth and face – are private parts of their body and NO ONE should ever touch them there. Ever. (If they’re still wearing nappies, you may need to dilute that message a little bit for practical reasons… but the only people who should be touching them are ONLY doing it for cleaning and hygiene purposes and must have parent permission to do it.)
Always remind them that touching can either be “safe” or “unsafe”. If they don’t want to be hugged or kissed or touched, they should be allowed to say “no” and have that respected. The term “my body, my rules” is a vital one here.
Always ensure your child understands that there is a difference between a “secret” and a “surprise”. As Jayneen Sanders says, “Some secrets should never be kept”. This is something to remind our children about regularly.
If a person says anything to me or does anything to me (or my body) that leaves me feeling bad, yucky, or guilty, I should tell my parents – even if I’m scared about it.

Let me finish with one quick story from many years ago…

When a family friend was a young girl, she told her mum that she had been sexually abused by a relative. The mother listened to every word from her young daughter’s mouth. After taking it all in, the mother slapped the girl in the face and warned her never to say anything about that incident again.

Such an attitude cannot be allowed to continue. Our children have a right to protection. Please, keep them safe.

Here are a few resources that I recommend:

Jayneen Sanders

Jayneen has written extensively about keeping kids safe. Her books include:

These books are ALL picture books for children. I love them and recommend them.

Jay also has loads of free resources on her site, Educate2Empower, including posters to guide your conversations with your kids. Visit her here: https://e2epublishing.info/

Holly-ann Martin

Holly-Ann is a dynamo. With an OAM for her service to the community, her resources, much like Jay Sanders, are about life being “Safe4Kids”.

Holly-Ann’s website is stacked full of her own books and those of others as well. Definitely take a look. https://safe4kids.com.au/

Jill Starishevsky

Jill has written a fun rhyming story called My Body Belongs to Me. It’s a great resource with illustrations that provide a sensitive way into a conversation about body safety. http://www.mybodybelongstome.com/

Michelle Derrig

I’m a fan of “Only For Me”, by Michelle Derrig. Act For Kids endorses the book, and it’s going to be useful for your conversations with your kids. Check it out here: https://www.onlyforme.com.au/

Kayelene Kerr

Lastly, Kayelene is brilliant in this space and has loads of resources for you at esafekids.com.au.

For more info about resources or to get help, google government services in your local area.

If you are concerned that your child has been harmed, or if you are aware of a child who has been abused, visit NAPCAN for help.

Extra Resources Shared By You!

In partnership with the Australian Federal Police-led Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation, Project Paradigm have developed a practical guide called ‘It’s Never To Early Early‘ filled with tips, advice, affirmations, and best-practice research and guidance. This guide has been created to help parents and carers navigate the tricky world of abuse prevention.

Bravehearts – Bravehearts is an Australian child protection not-for-profit organisation, solely dedicated to the prevention and treatment of child sexual abuse.

The song ‘Private Parts’ which is catchy & contagious song to sing to kids – making it a socially acceptable ethos to have.

Tricky People by Crystal Hardstaff The Gentle Counsellor

The Conversation With Kids Body Safety Cards – by Kristi McVee (Child Safety Expert)

Written by Dr Justin Coulson